Form 20-09 Emergency exit procedure Issued to: the employee

ResignationDay

In accordance with workplace wellbeing guidelines, this exit is illuminated at all times. Departure is scheduled for 20 September — or sooner. Remain calm. Do not run. (Do run.)

It's Resignation Day

Notice served. The mug is yours now. Go home, make a proper cup of chaye, and sit somewhere that isn't a chair with wheels.

Joined 0% along the route Exit
Annex A Pre-departure checklist

Before the door
closes behind you

Tick as completed. Progress saves to this phone, which is more than can be said for the shared drive.

    0 of 9 complete

    Note: to have this list amended, added to, or entirely rewritten as per your liking, please contact the relevant authorities.

    Current occupant condition
    🙂 Assessing

    Action required

    Warning: loud alarm. If sound is switched on, this plays a siren out loud. Please mind your surroundings — this is not a joke.

    Annex B Grievance intake & disposal 0 filed

    File a complaint
    into the void

    Every grievance is received, logged, considered at length, and then shredded. Exactly like at work, but faster and with better sound effects.

    Nothing on record. Suspicious.